Through the trees

“Hell is a Teenage Girl”

The first time I heard these words, I was seated reluctantly in the only movie theatre in my town that never checked ID’s. This gross dilapidated theatre was where my friends and I saw all our Rated R flicks. This one however was different. I grew up with very little girl friends, a trait at the time I was proud of but now have come to realized was the work of internalized misogyny, I was as every teen girl proclaimed in the early ‘00’s “not like other girls”. Now my female friendships are my life line and would not trade them for anything. I sat in my lime green hoodie (complete with thumb holes), my low rise Hollister light wash jeans, and my brown and blue Etnies (remember those), wondering why I was watching this movie. As I look back on that 16-year-old girl I realized that I was not the only one who was fed this toxic sludge of how this movie was marketed and perceived. Especially what was happening with gender issues at the time, which was a lot of slut shamming and fending the idea that the only way to be a champion of women’s rights was to fight with your mind (a valid way but not the only way). 2009 ended a decade of above par horror movies and a cohort of skinny celebrities that paraded around from club to club with tiny dogs in their purses. Remember this was two years after Britney’s breaking point which now we see as valid but at the time criticized and made fun of her break down. Mental illness was only starting to become part of the conversation, and we were still not able to have sexual agency over how our image was being fed to the eyes that watched us. With Jennifer’s Body a film way a head of its time, the previous nine years was screens filled with hot celebrity teens being brutally slashed to pieces with the heavy metal music flavor of the week and bad CGI effects. In the wake of “torture porn” and remakes of classics, there wasn’t much happening in the way of the genre. Of course, stand outs and the exception where there, but it felt like everyone was searching for something different. By this time, I was already a fan but had very few friends who also liked those films, and zero girls in my life even went near the genre. So, I was alone in my horror conquests, which is what made me susceptible to the idea to “not be like other girls”. At the time feminism wasn’t what it was today. Slut shaming was all to real and to be any sort of beauty and not a brain was not a line you wanted to travel in high school. We were on MySpace, and maybe on Facebook, but social media as we know it was not accessible to teenagers in the way it is today, remember our phones still had buttons and we used these outlets on our computers!

I remember protesting seeing this film as I became one of the Megan haters, “well if she’s only going to be sexy then what interest do I have in this film” I guess at the time I slightly enjoyed it, because I did see a lot of myself in Needy (Amanda Seyfried) but a lot of the under lying themes were completely lost. It wasn’t till just a few years ago I came back to this film with a whole new set of eyes. Although I loved the soundtrack, and now think it is a perfect companion to this film, because of Nikolai’s (Adam Brody) line “It’s so hard to make it as an indie band these days”, and in using indie bands to round out the soundtrack and the posters on the wall was a brilliant touch. Now 28, some abusive relationships, therapy, and a healthier sense of self later, I can see why I didn’t like this movie then. That was me, I was Needy, down to the swoopy haired boyfriend who in real life looked a lot like Chip (Johnny Simmons). I was insecure and fragile, and like anyone in high school I sought validation and to be desired by guys. Now through Jennifer and Needy I see the two sides of myself I battled with far beyond high school, and I think for women never truly stops. How do you stake claim in this world where you are valued for your thoughts and what you have to say and contribute but not take away from that fact that you are also a woman with sexual needs and wants. One of those should not be more important than the other and yet girls are made to choose early on what they “should” be by the patriarchal structures or sometimes they don’t even get to chose and are just assigned. Let me count the ways the patriarchy has done me and so many women and women identifying people wrong throughout the millennia, but I’d be here all day and you’ve got things to do.

Katia Stano did the costumes on this film and she hit the nail on the head, after previously coming off her other huge film three years prior She’s the Man. I had many pairs of those jeans and that lace cami over the long sleeve t-shirt Needy wears, yea I did that… A LOT. What she was able to do with the guidance of Diablo Cody’s brillaint script and Karyn Kusama directing, was show an authentic representation of young women in high school in 2009. You saw the contrast between Needy and Jennifer so clearly, that each one was holding insecurities inside of them but was outwardly displaying them in different ways. Jennifer used her body as armor to manipulate men and others to get what she wanted, a tactic many women used because that lot in life has been assigned to them. Needy on the other hand, buried herself into books and slightly aspired to be like Jennifer but knew that wasn’t who she truly was.  Colin’s character played by Kyle Gallner always warms my heart to see because those are the people I associated with in high school. Now we had uniforms at my school so we couldn’t be “to trendy” as they put it, so we were mostly wannabe scene kids, but I knew several guys with those purple and black striped hoodies and wide black pants. This was before Hot Topic carried Disney merch, it was actually scary to walk into! Colin to me feels like the only one of them who authentically knows who he is. Now I’m sure that he too has insecurities, but I have always admired those who made bold fashion choices like that, despite the criticism from the mean crowd they held true to what they liked.

When it comes to bold fashion choices the dance scene is my favorite. Jennifer and Chip are wearing formal wear from the time, I even had a shorter pink version of Jennifer’s dress, but Needy is in a whole other world. She while being insecure and tangled in this toxic friendship, possible romantic partnership, with Jennifer still feels less insecure than someone like Jennifer. I want to use the term normal and not nerdy because as someone who wears glasses, I am so sick of seeing that be an indicator of a “homely nerdy looking woman”. Needy doesn’t flaunt, she wears what feels comfortable for her and I am sure that she is a girl that was inadvertently told to not be a “slut” but to be valued for her mind. She has a comfortable wardrobe and a cardigan that brings her a comfort in most of her outfits. She talks to everyone despite their crowd, and we see that in her treatment of Collin when Chip questions why they’re friends. Her dress for the Spring formal is that beautiful pink dress, that makes Amanda Seyfried look like a Barbie doll. We know that her mother works a lot, so this dress was probably thrifted. Knowing Needy isn’t the type to rock the boat, she wants her loved ones to be happy, I can see her mother (Amy Sedaris) finding this dress on the rack and loving it. Maybe Needy did to a bit, but it isn’t in with the trends, but she will wear it none the less to make her mother happy. You can even see how proud she is of her daughter when she sets the camera up on the dresser to take their picture before Needy leaves the house. The moment that struck me the most was when we see that familiar cardigan on top of that pink dress as Needy is running to find and save Chip. I did that a lot in high school, partially because I was not comfortable with my body, but the sweater became my armor and I still wear it to this day. While I won’t wear it over formal wear anymore and I am cold a lot of the times so it does serve a practical purpose, I have been told by guys on a few occasions throughout my twenties and late teens that I “would look so much sexier without it” or “wow I didn’t know you had a figure like that you shouldn’t wear those sweaters”. A backhanded compliment, one of many that I and other women have received. Seeing Needy in that sweater and then throwing it to the side was a moment of ownership over the exact woman she was. She was taking charge to save her boyfriend with whom she loves and saying to us that “this is who I am, and this is how I will fight. I will not to be who you want me to be”.  We see this change being narrated at the end when she says, “she’s not the girl she was, she’s a kicker who curses”. This film gave so much subtle strength in this way to women of all types. For women who were always branded as a Jennifer, or in real life the way Megan Fox was treated, I’m sure seeing a sexually active woman in a horror film that not only lives through her attack but then reclaims that power and actively seeks out revenge was invigorating. There is a clear definitive message that as a woman you don’t have to check any boxes you are told to check, you are complicated, and messy just like men are allowed to be when figuring who they are in this life. This film allowed women to take up space and to be heard, it was refreshing to see men sit on the side lines and play the victims. To be handed cans of pepper spray for protection and given curfews.

What this film gives us that so many are now either re-finding or just discovering for the first time, was how much we needed a film like this. I have let me anger at younger me go, she didn’t know any better, but I have not let go of my anger at the treatment of Megan Fox, and how scorned this movie became. A trend in Hollywood that still needs to be resolved as a whole. In reflecting back the last few days about my teen years, and I do get waves of nostalgia when I hear an old All Time Low or Motion City Soundtrack song, I am so happy to not be a teenager anymore. Feeling secure in myself, having overcome trauma, is like breathing for the first time after being underwater and I would not give that up.  Don’t we all want to take the power back, from years of being objectified and persecuted for our interests and likes? I know I do every time I write my blog or speak my voice, I am rewriting the narrative that was “expected” of me. I wish I could tell that reluctant girl just wait, this movie is going to change you more than you know. Hell is still a teenage girl, but it gets a lot better when you realize you can wipe the fog off the window in front of you.